DAY 7: CONFIDENCE

Welcome to Day 7. Today we discuss what is perhaps the most important topic of all: CONFIDENCE.

Confidence is security in yourself. Not money or status or a relationship--confidence in ourSELVES is our only real security. True confidence is self-contained, self-generated, self-regulated. Who decides your level of confidence, what determines whether or not you get to feel confident? You do. Your thoughts do. Why does this create security? Due to the fact that you aren’t relying on anything external to produce the feeling of confidence for you, anything in your life can change but your confidence remains intact. We confuse ourselves when we build up illusions of confidence that are based on accomplishments or titles or physical attributes--these things mean nothing because they can so easily slip away, leaving us with no sense of confidence in our actual SELVES. This brings up the question: what is THE SELF if not our actions, accomplishments, appearances, positions in society and in other peoples’ lives? An interesting question to ask yourself. This is why I think that losing an external thing that you relied on for your sense of confidence is ACTUALLY A HUGE BLESSING.

Where does a lack of confidence come from? The illusion that something outside of you determines your ability, worth, loveability, quality, desirability, purpose.

How can you CREATE confidence? Realize that wherever you’ve sprinkled responsibility for your sense of confidence out there in the world, it never actually belonged there and can be placed back inside of you with one thought. What is that thought? Find that thought for you.

Know that you have the power to simply choose to not make ANYTHING in your life mean ANYTHING that makes you feel a lack of confidence. A client once asked me about how to feel confident even when she doesn’t live up to her own standards.

“Not living up to standards” is just a thought, an interpretation. Standards are a thought, you can literally always choose to see yourself in a way THAT SERVES YOU, you can always choose to tell yourself stories about yourself that SERVE YOU. The ones that don’t, the ones that tear you down are not more true or realistic than the ones that are kind and compassionate and empowering. The ones that tear you down don’t make you more likely to live up to the standards you’ve arbitrarily set for yourself, they just guarantee your suffering on the way there. Please know this and choose carefully which thought patterns you’re practicing.

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The Work:

1. What stories are you telling yourself (and believing) about why you’re not good enough?

2. Where do these stories find basis? Where is the power situated in these stories? How can you call that power back home to YOU? In what ways can you take back this personal power (that never actually belonged to anyone or anything outside of you, you just thought it did for a while)?

3. How can you neutralize these stories? What thoughts feel just as true (no false positivity here) but create more confidence for you? Practice thinking those thoughts instead of the old ones.

4. What makes you feel confident? Recognize that it’s not the thing you think outside of you but rather YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT the thing. Take your power back--it’s not the outside thing, it’s your inside thoughts. Think of all the things in your life that you’re proud of and that create a feeling of self confidence for you, and then acknowledge that it’s not these things but rather your thoughts ABOUT them that create the confidence for you. Always bring it back home.

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Amazing job—you got through all 7 days of this course. We’ve discussed some of the things that I consider to be ESSENTIAL to living a good life as a human being, and that’s hard work, so take some time now to congratulate yourself for sticking to it.

Are you ready to apply this work on a daily basis & see what kind of life you are capable of creating for yourself? Let’s talk. Click the button below to schedule some free 1:1 time with me.